Being content with where you are

I "pinned" the above quote to my Pinterest "Vision Board" a few months ago and haven't been able to successfully apply this motto to my life yet. I have really been trying to work on staying in the present moment in my life. I've discovered that I can be successful at this for a day (or let's be honest a few hours in my day... okay, maybe a few minutes) but then life gets in the way and I start to worry about the future and my past and it all goes out the window. When I say stay in the present moment I mean truly taking in the moment and solely feeling and experiencing what is in front of you. I began reading "The Power of Now" a few years ago and then unsuccessfully finished it due to the wordiness of it and "not having time." Most of you know that I'm kind of obsessed with quotes. Quotes have always inspired me because they immediately motivate me and help me look at my world differently. Anyway, two quotes I adore from Eckhart Tolle are (and I apologize the first one is long...) 

"by planning for the future, you won't need to lose yourself in the future. The question is, are you using time on a practical level, or are you losing yourself in the future? If you think that when you take a vacation, or find the ideal partner, or get a better job or a nicer place to live or whatever it is, then you will finally be happy, that's when you lose yourself in the future. It's a continuous mental projection away from the now. That's the difference between clock time, which has its place in this world, and psychological time, which is the continuous obsession with the past and the future."A more simple quote I love from him is "“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” 

I am constantly letting myself get lost in my future and it is only making me exhausted. If only I can make it to next year I will be fully licensed and then I will make enough money, then we will be ready for kids (your biological clock is ticking)... (side note: adoption is very close to my heart but that is another story/another post). And the inner dialogue continues- but we need a house first, then I will start cooking meals (seriously one day I will start cooking regularly) ... see how exhausting this is? I want to work on focusing on where I am now. And actually enjoy where I am in my life now. I am working hard towards a career I love and I should be proud of myself for managing (or sort of handling) the challenges with this career choice. I am enjoying being married. I love our little apartment and the memories I've made with my husband in it. Now that doesn't mean I won't plan and move toward future goals that I want. But I need to slow down and go at my own pace. I need to enjoy the ride as they say. Which I'm finding is way easier said than done.

I think we all ask ourselves "What do I need to be content?" and "What would make my life just right?" And the answer is most likely "if I can just get to this point" or "if I can just reach this goal." Your answer to these questions will also probably continually change. But I'm learning that if we try to stay more attuned to our present choices and our present life we will be more satisfied. Of course it is important to work toward future life goals and we have to figure out how to accomplish those goals and figure out "is this even possible?" If it's not meant to be we have to work really hard to find other ways (other passions, other options) to find fulfillment. I'm hoping to listen more to myself and trust that I am right where I'm supposed to be today.

For her 7-year-Old Self

To A- On your 7th Birthday

All the reasons I love you. 

I love your strong, loving and curious self.

I love how interested you are about the world. I love how you want to see, touch, hear and experience everything around you and more.

I love how you want to play in my car and learn about the lights, windshield wipers, radio, blinkers, seat belts, doors (and on and on). I love your curiosity about life.

I love how you take care of your babies (dolls). I love how you give them their “medicine,” their feed, and that you make sure they have comfy cribs and beds.

I love it when you laugh so hard that your eyes tear up and you can’t speak.

I love how strong willed and honest you are about your feelings.

I love how you stand up for yourself and have your own opinions.

I love how you try things on your own and don’t want help right away or at all. I love how you want to figure things out for yourself. I’m always impressed when you tell the nurses (at the hospital) which medicine you need and show them that you know how to do your medicines all by yourself.

I love spending time with you, just the two of us.

I love when you ask me “are you staying till bedtime?” I love when I get to tuck you in at bedtime and read you bedtime stories.

I love to take care of you.

I love to hug you, kiss you, give you piggy back rides and take walks with you. I just love to be with you.

I love to watch you play outside and I love when you tell me “it’s such a good day.”  

I love to watch you learn new things. You catch on to things quickly and always ask questions.  You are wise beyond your years and I’m so very proud of the person you are becoming.

I love how you enjoy reading books. You are very smart.  I love how you ask questions during the story and after a story.

I love our sleepovers in the hospital. I love how you ask to take wagon rides constantly and how in the middle of the night you wake up and call out “Carla?” to make sure I’m still there.

I love that it only took you four days to recover and return home after your open heart surgery .You are the most courageous 7 year old I know. You are the bravest person I will ever know.

I love how you make me want to be a more courageous and determined person.

I love how you love music. I love that you always want music to play when you go to sleep. You always had music playing as a baby.

I love how you taught yourself to scoot on your bottom before you could walk.

I love that I was with you when you took your very first steps on Christmas Eve Day.

I love when you were  little (about one year old) you knew to cry or scream louder and harder to make your pulse-ox machine beep which would mean  me or one of the girls taking care of you would come running to you if we quickly stepped out of your bedroom.

I love how you teach me patience and how you have taught me that I can love a child more than I thought possible.

I love you for exactly who you are and I hope you never change.

I love you all the way to the moon and back, forever and always.

Love,

Your Carla